Day 31 – Write About a Hero

Growing Pains
by Laura Jewell

Characters:
Bruce – 35
Dick – 13

Lights up on the Batcave. BRUCE is in full Batman costume. DICK is wearing a t-shirt and cargo shorts.

BRUCE

Come along, Robin! The Bat-Signal is being shown! I’ll bet it’s that darned Joker again…

DICK

Yeah, Bruce, if it’s okay with you, I’m going to sit this one out.

BRUCE

Never fear, Robin! You are always safe by my side!

DICK

Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m not scared. It’s just…I just got Mario Kart and I was thinking you, me, and Alfred could stay in tonight and play on the N-64.

BRUCE

But Robin, Gotham is in danger!

DICK

Is it, though? I mean, if Commissioner Gordon has time to light up the giant Bat-Spotlight, doesn’t he have time to mobilize a SWAT team and just snipe the Joker before he even does anything?

BRUCE

Robin, you and I have sworn to protect —

DICK

Okay, Bruce, my name is not actually Robin. It’s Dick. Well, it’s Richard. I’ve been thinking about giving Richie a try since Dick is…well, you know. Kind of embarrassing.

BRUCE

Robin, where is this coming from? I thought you wanted to avenge your parents and keep Gotham free of the corruption that led to their murders!

DICK

No, Bruce, that’s you. I’m obviously still really sad about my family, but I need a night off from revenge every now and then. And can we talk about the tights?

BRUCE

What’s wrong with your costume?

DICK

Well, it’s a costume, for one. Your uniform is pretty sweet, and like, scary. And you totally have nighttime camouflage. My cape is so yellow I think it might actually glow in the dark. It’s not super practical.

BRUCE

Okay, well, what would you like to wear?

DICK

Maybe some black teflon?

BRUCE

But, you’re Robin. The Boy Wonder.

DICK

Yeahhhh except my voice is changing, Bruce. I feel more like Robin the Giant Pimple these days. And the primary colors make me feel like a total dweeb.

BRUCE

Okay. Look, can we just answer this call? We can talk about your…uniform…when we get back.

DICK

Can I drive the Batmobile?

BRUCE

Absolutely not! You’re not even sixteen!

DICK

Uggghhhhh you never let me do anything cool!

BRUCE

Can you cut me some slack here, please, mister?

DICK

You know what? No. You’re not my dad! I hate you!

He stomps out. Bruce sighs and goes over to the Bat-Phone and dials.

BRUCE

Commissioner Gordon? It’s Bru–it’s the Batman. Yeah, I’m gonna need you to handle this one. [pause] Yeah, teenagers. [Pause] Thanks, Jim.

He hangs up and calls up the stairs.

All right, fine, but I get to be Yoshi!

Blackout.

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Day 31 – Write About a Hero

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